Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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