she woke up with a sticky ear
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
