i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
