in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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