How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
