He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
