i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
sex in a hospital.. check
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
