pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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