Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize