im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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