If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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