The maid of honor just puked.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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