when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
