i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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