so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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