Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize