well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
