I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
