I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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