wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
