Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
