it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
