It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
