Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
