Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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