If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
