hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
