when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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