Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Shame is for Republicans.
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