The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
