I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
