I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
