I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize