you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
