We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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