Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
