i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
