trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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