We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
