I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
