I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
