He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
