like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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