Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
