My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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