apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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