May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
