She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
