Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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