They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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