I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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