i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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