This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
