the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
