I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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