I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
