I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
