On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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