I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm passing your future prison.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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