He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
