I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
did you just send me my own nude
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize