Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
