Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
