You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize