guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
dude. I can hear the air.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
