he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
