Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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