is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
