Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize