Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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