and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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