id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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