Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
