you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize