I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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