defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
