tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
