He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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