I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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