Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
