Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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