is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
