Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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