maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
