I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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