small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
