I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
