I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
