i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
