I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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