this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize