So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let's paint friendship bongs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
