I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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