i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need moral support for this bender
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
