i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
