Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to make a zoo with you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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