just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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