Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
