you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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