i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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