i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
