So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize