After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
