apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize