I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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