My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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