By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you win again, gameday.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
