I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize