She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
