Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
