but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
