Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize