you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
