I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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