winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
