Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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