every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
