she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize