sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
